I have a few confessions to make...
In the past few months I've been a lot of things...
I've been
Excited
Stressed out
Uptight
Overworked
Wound Up
Excited
Happy
Wound Up
Grateful
Exhausted...etc
I read an article months ago about women and how we wanna feel like Superwoman at different points inour lives-overdoing it by doing everything. You end up neglecting people, things, yourself...just to get things done. The article went on to explain ways to de-stress:
Takea bubble bath
Enjoy a day at the spa
Have a glass of wine
Take yourself to dinner
etc...etc..
I skimmed this list and thought "Yep, all good ideas. I'll try them sometime." And for about a week or two I did...hey! Don't you give me that side eye! I really did.
But sooner than later it was back to work! I can't help it. I'm addicted.
Is there some secret recipe that I'm missing because usually with me it's one or the other. It's social life or work and oftentimes it is work and I don't mind but everyone else seems to.
And then when I'm not working I feel that I should be....like somehow I'm betraying the work Gods, neglecting talent and intellect to relax-how dare I!?
When I'm not working honestly I'm bored. Maybe I just need a new hobby? Maybe I should stop complaining and accept all the hard work I've just done...sit back and chill...
But I can't help but think that if I'm not doing the hard work no one will do it for me and if I miss out on a Golden Opportunity it'll be my fault and I'll end up feeling really bad about missing out. Is this over the top for me to even be thinking about? Am I crazy for it? Is this really just a self-invovled rant due to my lack of sleep and enough Vitamin D?
More questions...
Am I defined by my work? Does it define me? But I suppose that if I can create the work and put my soul into it then of course I am defined by it because it is a reflection of my own self.
All very confusing..I know. But I'm trying to figure it out.
I learned a lot from this past year and Can't Wait Productions...
How much patience I have for people
Management skills: Time management(cast & production team), people, projects
Design skills
Directing skills
Entreprenurial skills
Understanding of self
I can't remember who but someone said "My growth as an artist and my growth as a person are not separate"
So I've grown as an artist and I thought I'd know exactly what to do with myself when the show's run ended but I've got more questions than I ever had before. Is this a good thing? I THINK so...because they are NEW questions...some of them.
One thing I do know is that I need to stop for a second and smell the roses...maybe take some more bubble baths, enjoy the lovely people in my life and this summer!
The other day I went on a bit of a vintage shopping spree and even though I am hesitant to say so I really enjoyed buying something for myself because that it is so rare! lol
One thing that I know for sure is that my body is giving me some clear signs to chill the heck out, my brain is on overdrive and I'm only on Level 1 of the process of processing. Because I had a lot of firsts these past months, I'm not sure of the next steps yet but I think that when it's my time to know exactly what I need to know I will find out. Until then I will pray that the knowledge comes to me and that I have the patience to see it all through.
So my advice to all of you overachievers is to be patient, pat yourself on the back for your days work, a job well done and yep that's pretty much it. :D
And know that because you work hard you will eventually get what you want in the long run but if you don't learn how to handle the pressures of being amazing NOW,it's going to be a LOT harder on you later.
Just chill out.
DEAL?
Deal.
Dobs
xo
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